So, you want to pop the question. Congrats! That means you’ve found someone to spend the rest of your life with. Someone you trust, love and want to grow through life with. Many people don’t know, but humans are designed to be social beings. That includes marriage and intimate relationships! For those who have found their life partner, it’s important you plan the engagement in a way that they’ll love. But, how do you know what’s best? Here are some tips on planning the perfect engagement that will guarantee they say “yes”!
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Put Yourself in Their Shoes
One of the most important things you can do when planning an engagement is really sit back and think about what your partner would want. Even if you love grand displays of affection, your partner might be more muted. Or, your partner might want you to rent a billboard display or have it written out in fireworks, but you would much rather ask them over a home-cooked meal at home.
Regardless, it’s important that you look at the engagement from the perspective of your partner. They’re the one who’s got to give an answer — not you! Even if it makes you uncomfortable, imagine how uncomfortable your partner will feel if you do something they really wouldn’t like. It will put immense pressure on them, and potentially make them worried that your marriage might not work out.
To alleviate any potential tensions or issues, the best thing you can do when planning the perfect engagement is to do something that they’d really like. This goes for men and women (no need to ask “Do men wear engagement rings?” — the answer is yes!). No matter how your partner identifies, it’s still the most important part of your engagement.
Think About Your Finances
Do you have the funds to pull out all the stops, such as a red carpet, reservations at a fancy restaurant or a trip out of the country? If so, then plan to your heart’s content, especially if it’s something your future fiance would love.
If you’re thinking about operating on a budget, it might be a good idea to get friends and family involved. If you’re on good terms with them and they’re supportive of the engagement, they might be willing to pitch in for food, transportation or anything else that you might need financial assistance with. Having good relationships with your partner’s loved ones will benefit you in the long run.
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Consider Input
The more people involved in the engagement, the more you’ll have to listen to suggestions from others. Some of those suggestions might come off more as instructions. And, while most suggestions come from a place of good intentions, some people try to live vicariously through others or unknowingly suggest something that your partner won’t like. If you’re open to input from others, then including friends and family in your proposal is a good idea. Otherwise, going solo is probably the way to go.
What Holidays Are Around the Time You Want to Get Engaged?
Do you think your future spouse would love a cheesy New Year’s Eve proposal in New York? Or, maybe Valentine’s Day is coming up. Either way, knowing what holidays are coming up can have a big impact on how you make decisions regarding your proposal. If you and your future fiancé are much more the quiet types, crowds probably aren’t going to be your thing. Instead, adjust! Simply have a quiet moment at home instead of out in public.
Another thing to consider is that you can order the ring during different holiday seasons but propose in between. This is a great way to cash in on sales, allowing you to secure a more expensive engagement ring for a better price.
If affordability is a huge concern for you, then consider using an alternative engagement ring, such as a silicone ring! They’re durable, long-lasting and typically much more comfortable than metal or diamond rings. The best part? They ship quickly! Perfect for when you realize they’re the one and want to propose as soon as possible. Otherwise, you might end up having to wait weeks or even months before the engagement ring can come in.
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Just Ask Your Partner
Some people feel asking your partner what kind of engagement they want is ruining the surprise. However, studies show that many couples prefer to talk about engagement and marriage together before taking the plunge. This is just one of the many ways that traditions and relationship dynamics have changed over the years.
Since many couples are now living together before they get married, many of the same practical reasons for getting married that couples used back in the day are no longer applicable. Asking your partner and talking with them about how you’re planning their proposal shows you trust each other, have open communication and want what’s best for each other. It shows you value each others’ happiness and want to be sure you do things they’ll enjoy and won’t feel uncomfortable. All ideal parts of a good marriage!
Make the Plans – and Stick to Them!
Ever heard of cold feet? That’s right — it’s easy to get nervous when planning something as large as an engagement. Even if you’ve talked about it with your partner until you’re both blue in the face, there’s still some level of nerves that happens with proposing. What’s important is that you make the plans — whatever they may be — and you stick to them. Otherwise, you’ll never pop the question!
If everyone waited until they had zero nervousness about proposing, then no one would ever get married. Go ahead and get the ring ordered and any flights or travel booked and be sure to have a game plan for after your engagement.
Consider an Engagement Party
If you don’t think your partner would want an engagement in front of a crowd, consider an engagement party instead! An engagement party is a great way for friends, family and anyone else you and your partner want to invite to celebrate your engagement with you both.
Chris contributes articles with advice for brides and grooms on vows, ceremonies, and wedding traditions. He draws on his experience as a wedding officiant to give perspective on crafting a meaningful ceremony. Outside of work, Chris volunteers coaching youth sports in the community.
